To have kids or not to have kids!

I have had some interesting talks lately with people about having children.  I find it disturbing the sorts of comments people get when they say that they don’t want to have children! I hear things like:

*But you’d make such a great mother!

*You will want to later, I’m sure.

*Your life doesn’t have meaning until you have a child.

*What if your husband wants kids?

*But I want to have grandchildren!

*Do you hate kids?

Why do we have to comment things like that? Why can’t we accept each other and the choices we make? This is new territory for me. Growing up, I always thought I would get married and have children. I thought it was what I was “supposed to do.” I never thought I had a choice. I thought by the time I was 31 I would have been married for a while with at least 2 kids. Well that’s a big nope! And I couldn’t be happier with my life.  At this point in my life, I don’t want children… and that’s ok. Yes, I might make a good mother. Yes, my life has meaning right now, without children. If my husband really wants kids and I don’t, we probably wouldn’t be married. I feel like that is an important conversation to have before marriage. No, I don’t hate kids. I love kids. I love being around them. I work with many kids! Because I work with kids, I love that I can go home to myself. I can relax and take care of myself so that I can take care of the kiddos I work with. I love visiting my friends that have kids and spending time with them. I love children. Just because someone decides to not have kids, does not mean they hate kids. Why can’t we, as decent humans, accept decisions from other people and treat each other with respect? What is good for me may not be good for you. And that is ok.

To have kids or not to have kids!


I have thought long about this topic. When I was younger and growing up, I always thought my life was to get married and have babies. I thought that I needed to be a mother. If someone asked me if I wanted kids, I kind of scoffed and said yes and wondered to myself, why are they asking me?! Of course, I’m supposed to have kids. That thought stayed with me for a while. The more that I was asked that and auto replied, the more I really started to think about it. I honestly don’t know if I want to have children. Who am I to bring a child into the world? What if I don’t want that sort of responsibility? What happens if I have a child and he/she is incredibly screwed up for the rest of his/her life?

I hate when people ask me that question now. I respond with something like “no I don’t want kids.” Or “I am not sure if I want kids.” I always get the same responses. “You would be such a such a good mother.” Or “kids are such a blessing/kids are so cute.” It is really uncomfortable. Why can’t we be ok with women and men choosing not to have children? Why must a woman be born just to have children?